How to Tell if Your Teenager is Struggling with Anxiety

Anxiety is one of the most common things I see in young people, and one of the most frequently missed. Not because the signs aren’t there, but because teenagers are remarkably good at hiding them — even from the people closest to them.

Part of that is developmental. Adolescence is a time when young people are pulling away from their parents, building independence, and working hard to appear like they have it together. Admitting to anxiety can feel like weakness. Some teens don’t even recognise what they’re experiencing as anxiety. They just know something feels off, and they don’t have the words for it.

That’s why it falls to parents to know what to look for.

The signs to watch for

Anxiety shows up differently in different teenagers, but it tends to leave traces across four areas — behaviour, the body, emotions, and school.

Changes in behaviour

Avoiding things they used to enjoy. Frequent excuses to stay home from school or social events. Increased irritability before certain situations. Seeking constant reassurance, or going the other way and becoming very hard to reach. Excessive time on phones or gaming as a way to escape anxious thoughts.

Physical signs

Frequent headaches or stomachaches with no clear medical cause. Nausea before school or social situations. Disrupted sleep, changes in appetite, muscle tension, fatigue that doesn’t improve with rest. Regularly visiting the school nurse or finding physical reasons to avoid things.

Emotional and social shifts

A noticeable drop in self-confidence or increased self-criticism. Perfectionism or intense distress around grades and performance. Emotional outbursts that seem disproportionate. Catastrophic thinking — always assuming the worst. Withdrawing from friends or losing interest in things that used to bring them joy.

At school

A sudden or gradual drop in grades. Reluctance or refusal to attend. Difficulty concentrating, excessive worry about tests or what teachers and peers think. Anxiety at school is often about more than academic pressure — it can be social, performative, or simply the effort of holding it together all day.

These things can look like typical teenage moodiness. Sometimes they are. But when several appear together, or when something just feels different to you — trust that instinct.

How to start the conversation

If you’re noticing these signs, approach your teenager with curiosity rather than concern. Leading with “you seem anxious” will often cause an immediate shutdown. Something gentler works better — “I’ve noticed you seem a bit stressed lately, how are you really doing?” or simply “is there anything on your mind?” And then leaving space, without pressing.

Choose a low-pressure moment. A car ride, a walk, a quiet evening at home. Teenagers tend to open up more easily when there’s no direct eye contact and no sense of being put on the spot. Sometimes the most important thing you can do is just let them know you’re there, without turning it into a conversation they have to manage.

When to get professional support

Some anxiety is manageable with good parental support, open communication, and a few practical strategies. But if your teenager’s anxiety is getting in the way of school, friendships, or daily life, has been going on for more than a few weeks, is accompanied by signs of depression or any concern about self-harm, or is causing panic attacks or significant physical symptoms — it’s time to speak with someone.

A GP is a good first step and can refer on. You can also come directly to a psychologist without a referral. Early support makes a real difference, and reaching out isn’t an overreaction. It’s the right call.

Read next: Connection Before Correction: How to Actually Reach Your Teenager →

A final note

Noticing anxiety in your teenager isn’t about being a helicopter parent. It’s about being a present one. You don’t need to have all the answers. Showing up, listening without jumping to fix things, and letting your teenager know they are not alone — that is often the most powerful thing you can do.

If you’d like to find out more about how I work with teenagers and their families, I’d love to hear from you.