Surviving COVID-19 At Home

Surviving COVID-19 At Home

By Lindsay Perlman (Clinical Psychologist)

 Reflecting on the last four weeks, I thought I could provide some ideas of how we can adjust to this new landscape of COVID-19 – by adjust I am referring to being able to help ourselves and those that we love cope more effectively with the restrictions and operating principles that have come into play.

COVID-19 has created a new landscape and reality.  With the majority of us having to work from home and schools moving to remote learning, the home landscape has certainly changed. With our home now becoming our workspace, we are finding that we are in our partner’s space way more than before. This has shifted the dynamic and for many couples, this has created extra stress and strain.

We are now 4 weeks in, and I feel that most of us are moving between the depression and acceptance stages of grief. Elizabeth Kubler Ross identified 5 stages of grief and I believe that the onset and reality of COVID 19 can be understood in terms of these stages.  Initially there was denial, then anger, then bargaining with the reality of not accepting we cannot go into work or see our friends and family, then reality hit and a lot of have felt moments of depression and are now are slowly moving into some level of acceptance and are trying to adjust with this new reality.

Whilst we must acknowledge that spending time at home has created opportunities for positive connection with family members, it also creates a need to reshuffle the family working relationship or working code for how a couple, partners, and families navigate this challenging time.

Based on my change management experience and work in my private practice, I have set out some recommendations which I hope will help make life at home smoother and less stressful during this time.

COVID-19 Change Management – 4 Key Areas to Address for Partners and Families

1. Focus on Increasing Communication

• Open and honest communication is an essential ingredient of all strong relationships – good communication is now more important than ever. Making time for each other to discuss a working arrangement for the week where there are clear and defined expectations of roles and where each person in the relationship is given their own ‘sacred’ space to have time out and have a break if required.
• It is important to have regular check ins with your partner to track how they are going – sometimes coming up with a rating system is helpful and a simple way of checking in with each other. Latest podcast by Brene Brown talks about a check in rating system which she has with her husband where they rate how they are coping (emotionally, psychologically, etc) and then decide on how they will work together to support each other moving forward. Doing so can enhance connection and make you feel more united and in sync.
• It is likely that children are also struggling with these changes, so it is important to regularly check in with your child/children at least a few times during the week. This should not be an interrogation but more about getting a sense of how they are feeling – that is, their mood and worry level

2. Setting Daily and Weekly Routines are Key – How healthy is yours?

• Whether we choose to admit it, most of us feel more settled and calmer if our environment has structure and some degree of routine. Routine is even more important now in helping us to feel in control compared with the external uncertainty – routine and perception of being in control of our daily life can have a significant positive impact on our mood and anxiety.
• Routines are even more important for children in helping them feel safe and secure in their home environment. Routines can also help parents build a daily structure that has a wide range of activities and encourages moderating screen use.
• Below are some essentials for all daily routines:

1. Sleep hygiene – try and have similar bedtime and wake up times
2.  Incorporate exercise/outside time, first thing in the morning and again in the afternoon – we all know that exercise and a good dose of vitamin D helps give our mood a boost and also gives us a break from screens and the general mundaneness of being at home
3. Eating – try incorporating a balanced diet, which allows for some flexibility.
4. Housekeeping – useful to make a list and delegate, good opportunity for kids to step up and get involved. Whilst there may be pushback, contribution usually lifts one’s mood and makes us feel like we are achieving something together.
5. Self-care – this is essential to ensure that we have enough ‘fuel in the tank’ to be able to manage our home and work. It can be helpful to make a list of things you can do on your own, with your partner and family which you enjoy, and which help boost your mood.

3. Maintaining frequent social connection

• We are all hardwired for social connection – so it is important to maintain regular connection with friends and family. There are so many virtual options we can use like zoom or house party. You will be amazed by how a quick phone call or video chat can improve your mood or just give you a well needed distraction and make you feel more connected.

4. Turn down the pressure valve and enhance self-compassion 

• This is unchartered times – we need to turn the pressure valve down and be kinder to ourselves, our partners and our children, and more broadly to our friends and wider community.
• We are all new to this reality – we are all learning and trying our best, this is particularly relevant to kids who are home learning. Be extra kind and patient to your children – ease up on the pressure whilst remaining firm but kind. As many have said, this too shall pass… you are your children’s role models, your behaviour and attitude set the tone in the house. If you are struggling, it’s important to take time out for yourself–if possible, give yourself a quick timeout and moment to regroup. However,  if things feel too much or constantly overwhelming, consulting with a professional can provide perspective and a welcome relief.